My Views on Sex

I had planned on just wading in with comments from other blogs, jumping right into the middle of things, but I feel a few preliminaries are in order. Eventually I will probably put this stuff in my "About" section,' but I just want to get some of this down. I could probably sit here and post for a week straight without stopping, but I'm going to have to pace myself.

I believe that any form of sex outside of marriage is wrong, which is, obviously, why involuntary celibacy is so hard for me and others like me. When my wife and I were getting pre-martial counseling the pastor asked why I wanted to marry. Always precise and systematic, I said: "In general I want to marry because I do not have the gift of celibacy. In particular, I want to marry C. because..."

I do not have the gift of celibacy--although God may be beginning to provide it (more on that much later)--but it has been forced upon me. I waited until I was married to have sex (at age 24) and I have not had sex with anyone but my wife in the 20 years we've been married.

Further, I believe that marriage is for one man and one woman for life and should never be "put asunder" except in the case of adultery or abuse or if neither were a Christian at marriage and one becomes a Christian and the non-Christian wants to divorce. These reasons are grounded in Scripture.

Within marriage I believe any form (oral, anal, fetish) of sex is allowed as long as neither spouse finds it objectionable, it involves just the two spouses (this include no pornography which indirectly involves others), it places no one in physical danger, and it does not erode intimacy, which would vary with the couple and need not be elaborated upon.

I also believe that neither spouse should voluntarily deny the other sexual satisfaction and release unless it is to further a period of increased devotion and fellowship with God, and then for a set, pre-determined time. This, of course, does not include illness or separation necessary for the well-being of the family (like work). If, however, work persistently cuts into a couple's intimacy by separating them for long periods or making them too tired or stressed for one another, a new job may be in order. I believe God will provide such a job if the over-worked spouse truly wants to maintain martial intimacy.

As for masturbation, I masturbated like a teenage boy well into my 30s. I do not believe it is in and of itself sinful, but I do believe most practice of it can be, such a viewing pornography or unhealthy fantasy (e.g. fantasy not involving one's spouse) or excessively just for the sensation. However, I have, finally, developed coping techniques that allow me to go months without ejaculation. These probably warrant a future post.

I may add to this later, but I think these are the most important views I have on the subject.