I tend to go about things very systematically. If I were a theologian, I'd be like Barth. I'd have to build an entire theology from the ground up just to make the simplest assertion. Unfortunately this often keeps me from doing things because I don't feel I have the time, or maybe that's one of my blind spots and is really a cop-out.
If I'm going to honestly and thoroughly explore celibacy within a marriage I need to begin this prologue by explaining why I bother with this particular post: Acknowledging that there are times when celibacy can not be avoided and examining some of the aspects of those particular circumstances is necessary.
An obvious one is when the spouse is away. My wife is in the military and is currently overseas. She has been gone over two months. This is temporary, and most people wouldn't dream of suggesting it should justify an affair or the dissolution of the marriage. I sure wouldn't, but what about permanent incapacity?
Another example of involuntary celibacy is when one spouse is injured or sick in such a way that coitus is impossible, forever. There may be other options, but intercourse will never happen again. As a Christian, I also do not see that as grounds for divorce or an extra-martial sexual relationship.
I think the problem with the kind of involuntary celibacy that I and others are struggling with is that it creates a whole set of resentments and frustrations and deep levels of anger because it doesn't have to be. Still, as a Christian, and one who wants to systematically and correctly apply the Word of God to every area of my life, including sex, I have to begin this blog by placing the involuntary celibacy I have been dealing with squarely in the midst of all types of involuntary celibacy and say that it can never be right to divorce or cheat.
That said, I'm a sinner in other areas, and I am deeply afraid that though it be sin I will not be able to withstand the suffering and will eventually either be a hollow shell or be separated. I would never divorce, but I may end up living alone before it's all done.
The hardest thing is to try and be the person Christ would have me be even when she isn't concerned with the same. I know He would have me love and cherish, be tender and kind, giving and supportive, no matter how she treats me. I just don't think it can be done anymore.
One may have the obligation to "turn the other cheek," but how does one do it the 7th or 77th time without his cheek becoming so hard and numb that he can't feel any more. It's not the forgiving...it's the wading back in knowing it's going to happen again and again and again...
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My wife "turned me on" to your site (sorry for the pun). Your struggles must be many because of the lack of your support from your wife. I admire the fact you can raise , support, and teach your children basically single handedly.
The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle. You will be able to remain faithful if you trust in that. And if you need a helping hand in your journey please let me know how I can help.
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