Why Not Have Sex-Part I

Well, life circumstance with 5 kids (2 adopted, special needs kids whom I home school) and a deployed wife kept me from posting, plus I feel I have to get each post just right and be completely structured and systematic about it. I feel like, logically, the back story should come next, but it's too much. I will probably begin sketching it off-line and then post it all at once.

I also feel like I need to go into the coping techniques, but I have decided that for this to work for me I have to post what's most emotionally immediate for me, that which is screaming to get out at any given moment. If I don't do it this way, I won't write at all.

So, what's immediate to me this morning is the question I have been asking myself for 20 years: What, exactly, is the freakin' problem? Why not have sex?

I have decided it has little to do with sex itself, though she does hate the mess and smell. She thinks her smell is disgusting (even though it arouses me), and after I give her oral sex I most often I have to brush my teeth before we can continue, and any pre-cum has to be almost ritualistically removed before she'll put her mouth on me.

And on the rare occasions I get a blow job to completion, after I tell her I'm coming, she jerks her head back and grabs it with just three fingers, using only the tips, and locking her arm so it's at the maximum possible distance. She always stops too soon so she can get it off her, and I have to finish the last couple of strokes myself.

Me? I'll stick my tongue in her behind, and she likes it, but I'll willing to bet that one of the number one complains of all husbands in my situation would be double standards. Her repulsion just makes me feel so loved. I've offered to wear condoms so she doesn't have to deal with the mess, but she says she wouldn't like that. "What exactly would you like", I wonder.

But that's just it. When we're actually doing it, she enjoys it. I have always been attentive to pleasuring her first. She has orgasms, and she's not faking. (Sure, sure, every guy thinks that, right? Contrary to Hollywood it takes a lot more than Meg Ryan moans to make an orgasm. Usually when she orgasms I have either my fingers or penis inside her, and she can't fake the rhythmic contractions, the increased natural lubrication, or the sudden involuntary spasm as she arches her back when she goes over the top.)

So, she likes it when we're in the middle of it, and she knows that and admits that, so why not, like exercise, just do it, or me, as the case may be? If she even wanted to want to have sex, one would think that she'd just start, knowing she'll enjoy it in the end. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

I have much more wanting to get out of me, but that's all the time I have right now. To be continued...